So, a good summer, and a good reminder for me as to why this job is so special. But at the same time on more than one occasions I had to sit back and wonder how many more years of this do I have left? I'm dramatic so I realize in advance that I tend to make somewhat extreme statements and such, but this was a very tiring summer and I think as my children get older, not being around them is only going to be more difficult. My son Ethan cries almost every time I leave the house, it stops quickly but he just doesn't understand why I'm leaving. My daughter Rebekah keeps asking me if I'm going to leave again every morning lately.
Now, I think I do a good job of keeping my family above my job. And certainly, when things are not moving along so quickly my job allows me to go to work at 9, be home by 4, and walk through my backyard to get to my office. So this is not complaining, more just looking at reality. As I look down the road and see my kids entering school in a few years (two for Rebekah which is crazy and a few more past that for Ethan), I have to realize that summer is when they will be most free to do stuff with my wife and me. If that's when I'm home only a bit, I am definitely going to have to start figuring things out.
I'm a control, Type A, personality typically, so I don't relinquish responsibility to others very well. I've tried to work on that and to realize that tendency is what keeps me busy sometimes. But there are things here that consume a lot of time and energy that I have to do and it is difficult. I will basically have been gone from home over four weeks in the past nine. Leaving my kids for 14 days on Tour was so difficult. Leaving my wife, who used to be able to go with me on these trips for 14 days, was painful at times. It's weird because I love the trip, I love hanging with the kids, seeing God use them in so many ways, but it hurts to miss my family.
It's not like the job is bad. This is as good as youth directing can get in my opinion. I've got a supportive church, good budget, great youth room, great facilities, amazing kids, a huge bunch of talented counselors/volunteers, and the freedom to take things in all kinds of directions. It's not that I want to trade any of it in. But, sometimes, I understand why people have to leave this kind of job. It can just consume you, not just physically in terms of the time you work, but mentally and emotionally. I wrap myself up in it so much and that is not always fair to my family. I get to see so many amazing revelations of God's presence and power, but I also feel so tired and even beat up sometimes. Again, I guess this is kind of whiny, and certainly my counselors aren't even paid and get fewer thanks than I do, so I'm really just putting this out here as I try to think things through, to process this out a bit.
I think seminary has made it harder too. That's totally been my decision to go but I feel like it is what I am supposed to do and at the same time, it is definitely pulling me away from my family and my job too. I love going, learning, reading, discussing, but this break from May through August has been heaven sent.
Paying for it has been difficult too. I'm decidedly anti-debt so the student loans I have were taken begrudgingly. My church helps pay for about half every year, I get a couple of small scholarships, and my parents have helped some too. But basically, it's $1200 a class plus books, plus gas/tolls for the once a week travel to Orlando. I thought I would be able to get some help with a UMC scholarship but evidently four semesters of straight A's, a limited youth director's income with a wife and two kids, strong recommendations from my pastor and a professor, and nine years of full time ministry at a United Methodist Church aren't enough. I either did not establish need, academic performance, or something else according to the ridiculously vague letter I received. Evidently weight is given to UM schools so maybe going to Asbury hurt because, you know, they only base just about everything they do on John Wesley who had little to do with Methodism so that makes sense. A little frustrated by that. And probably a little self centered but I really could have used a little more information as to why I was rejected for any of the six scholarship funds I applied for. But I digress from the original point that part of this assessment time is due to the demands of seminary and the financial burdens that entail.
This is a great job. I could not thank God enough for bringing me here. I love the kids with whom I work. I marvel at how God uses them, grows them, and helps them to put up with all of my shortcomings. I am humbled by the willingness of the volunteers with whom I work to show up every Sunday night, on trips, and all kinds of other occasions because they love the kids and want to support me. If I were only to do this for years to come, I would be so thankful. At this stage, I'm just needing to take some time to assess where I am, where I am going, and how God is calling me forward. Youth ministry is not a stepping stone to "real" ministry as so many like to think so it's not about a move "up". I just need to make sure that what I am doing and where I am going are healthy and will ultimately be centered in the will of God so that I can be a good husband and a good father and most importantly, a good disciple of Christ.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Summer Reflections - Part 1 of 2
Well, I'm sitting here at Lake Junaluska on our seniors (high school not retired people) retreat, which is probably my favorite trip we do every year, and I've been taking a look back at this summer. Overall, this has definitely been a good one, maybe one of the best that I've experience as youth director (which this summer makes a total of 9 with Lakewood UMC), but it has been a difficult one too.
Choir Tour was fantastic. I guess, as with any trip, drama ensues but the drama was so low key compared to some years that outside of the land of the females, no one really noticed anything. It was great going out west, working in a different kind of place, seeing that beautiful Arizona landscape, and most of all, watching the youth share their worship service. I have really been proud of the direction that the choir has taken under Jeff's leadership. The shift from performance to worship service has taken some time and I think it is really beginning to pay off a great deal. To have a whole "musical" joined around the idea of communion and have the songs, skits, readings, and such all work was impressive. I think that our emphasis on the table being a place of equality and grace is taking root a bit and that gets me excited about the coming year.
The Bible Studies this summer were good and I enjoyed watching Jennifer (my summer intern) put them together and lead them. She really has a heart for God and it comes out in her studies. Plus, she is just really good with so many of the girls, and I'm glad she has been here this summer. The youth really respond to her and love to talk to her and having more adults for the youth to connect with is always a good thing.
Mystery Weekend was a lot of fun. Stone Mountain laser show, Six Flags, rafting the Ocoee; we had a good time, things went smoothly and we took a good mix of regular attenders and folks a little more on the fringe which was great and I think helped pull some of those folks in a bit more.
Our Tuesday fun nights seemed to go pretty well. We had good groups for the excursions to the Suns game and Harry Potter IMAX (and only one or two slightly annoyed church people who though going to see Potter was tantamount to worshipping the devil). The Tuesday night we stayed in and played hockey and such had a huge turnout so that was maybe more surprising. Sometimes staying in and doing something cheap is exactly what you need to do.
Youth Week last week was, as usual, a blur. Blizzard Beach, Ichetucknee River, Rock Climbing, working at Food Bank, Hanna Park Beach trip, evening worship services, Gutter Gobble, Dessert Contest - basically I got up at 6am, got to church by 6:30am, and stayed until 11pm on most days. Fun, exciting, and exhausting, especially when combined with the dumb decision by yours truly to stay up after I got home every night to finish the final Harry Potter book. The trips were great with good turnouts, the band we put together seemed to work pretty well especially for playing older stuff (Third Day, Waiting, Smalltown Poets, early Caedmon's Call) and I really enjoyed playing with David, Brandon, Jamey, and Abby (with special bass appearance by David Smith), and though I went long on the discussions, they seemed to go pretty well. We focused on the nature of freedom as a follower of Christ and looked at Matthew 5-7 as a kind of handbook of freedom where Jesus seeks to help the Jews understand how God is actually already working and how they can join in by ridding themselves of unnecessary baggage (hatred, anger, lust, revenge, power struggles, etc.).
And now SORHeads and there's no way I could complain about that. Five days up in the cool mountains of North Carolina with a bunch of fun people. Not bad at all. So a pretty good summer overall. To be continued...
Choir Tour was fantastic. I guess, as with any trip, drama ensues but the drama was so low key compared to some years that outside of the land of the females, no one really noticed anything. It was great going out west, working in a different kind of place, seeing that beautiful Arizona landscape, and most of all, watching the youth share their worship service. I have really been proud of the direction that the choir has taken under Jeff's leadership. The shift from performance to worship service has taken some time and I think it is really beginning to pay off a great deal. To have a whole "musical" joined around the idea of communion and have the songs, skits, readings, and such all work was impressive. I think that our emphasis on the table being a place of equality and grace is taking root a bit and that gets me excited about the coming year.
The Bible Studies this summer were good and I enjoyed watching Jennifer (my summer intern) put them together and lead them. She really has a heart for God and it comes out in her studies. Plus, she is just really good with so many of the girls, and I'm glad she has been here this summer. The youth really respond to her and love to talk to her and having more adults for the youth to connect with is always a good thing.
Mystery Weekend was a lot of fun. Stone Mountain laser show, Six Flags, rafting the Ocoee; we had a good time, things went smoothly and we took a good mix of regular attenders and folks a little more on the fringe which was great and I think helped pull some of those folks in a bit more.
Our Tuesday fun nights seemed to go pretty well. We had good groups for the excursions to the Suns game and Harry Potter IMAX (and only one or two slightly annoyed church people who though going to see Potter was tantamount to worshipping the devil). The Tuesday night we stayed in and played hockey and such had a huge turnout so that was maybe more surprising. Sometimes staying in and doing something cheap is exactly what you need to do.
Youth Week last week was, as usual, a blur. Blizzard Beach, Ichetucknee River, Rock Climbing, working at Food Bank, Hanna Park Beach trip, evening worship services, Gutter Gobble, Dessert Contest - basically I got up at 6am, got to church by 6:30am, and stayed until 11pm on most days. Fun, exciting, and exhausting, especially when combined with the dumb decision by yours truly to stay up after I got home every night to finish the final Harry Potter book. The trips were great with good turnouts, the band we put together seemed to work pretty well especially for playing older stuff (Third Day, Waiting, Smalltown Poets, early Caedmon's Call) and I really enjoyed playing with David, Brandon, Jamey, and Abby (with special bass appearance by David Smith), and though I went long on the discussions, they seemed to go pretty well. We focused on the nature of freedom as a follower of Christ and looked at Matthew 5-7 as a kind of handbook of freedom where Jesus seeks to help the Jews understand how God is actually already working and how they can join in by ridding themselves of unnecessary baggage (hatred, anger, lust, revenge, power struggles, etc.).
And now SORHeads and there's no way I could complain about that. Five days up in the cool mountains of North Carolina with a bunch of fun people. Not bad at all. So a pretty good summer overall. To be continued...
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Harry Potter Anonymous meeting anyone?
Ridiculous is an overused word these days but my addiction to Harry Potter books and films is bordering on out of control. I have finally read the first five books in the past month, am about 200 pages into the sixth, watched the first four films at home (one at a time as I finished each book), watched the fifth film last night, and am looking forward to seeing the fifth one again on Tuesday at the IMAX. What is my problem? Well, ultimately, this is just a brilliant story. Yes, it's a bit embarassing to go look for books in the library in the children's or teen's sections, but it is just good reading all the way around. And honestly the films have really gotten good. Number three (Azkaban) is still the best but four and five definitely hold up well too. So here's a quick list of what I've seen this summer and what I think (in order of viewing):
Pirates 3 - fun, adventurous, and very difficult to follow. Not really planning on watching it again but enjoyable. Liked Keith Richards appearance.
Spiderman 3 - Kind of a fall from 2 but that's to be expected to some extent. Again, fun, exciting, entertaining, but nothing too memorable. The bad guys just weren't very good.
Ocean's 13 - Very good, felt a little rushed after the first 20 minutes, but very entertaining. I think I'm just happy to get to watch Clooney and Pitt compete to see who's cooler (the answer is Clooney in case anyone is wondering). What is really cool is how well Matt Damon holds his own on the screen and adding Pacino was fun. Enjoyable stuff.
1408 - Very good again. Don't expect too much. It's John Cusack in a room for about an hour with a little set up and a little wind down. But the man pulls it off. Plays with your mind a bit, good jumpy scenes, and intriguing. Good for something different over the summer.
Transformers - I have to admit, I loved this. I'm a Shia Lebouf (sp?) fan anyway, think the guy is going to be a big actor for years to come, but beyond that, this was exactly what I was looking for in a summer blockbuster and did what ole Spidey and Pirates did not, remembered to skip a few convoluted plot points in favor of just sheer entertainment. I'm not usually a fan of loose plots but hey, it's Michael Bay, I'm not expecting Hitchcock here, and the man can deliver action. The robots were awesome and you have to have a little respect for a movie that gets everyone to applaud loudly at the end (which has happened several times according to some friends of mine). Favorite line - when the autobots are arriving and crashing into the ground in their fireballs, a kid runs outside with his video camera and yells, "This is like 15 times better than Armageddon."
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Really good. This director evidently had done nothing more than British sitcoms and commercials but he held his own in the this film. They skipped a lot of stuff but I think they had too. Most of the time the plot moved briskly, funny stuff intertwined with more tragic stuff. The cast in this movie is just really great. I think I could watch Alan Rickman as Snape all the time. No one else could say "Obviously" with such sarcasm, anger, and humor at the same time. Loved the film, can't wait to see it next week.
Looking forward to: The Simpson's in a couple of weeks
That's it for now.
Pirates 3 - fun, adventurous, and very difficult to follow. Not really planning on watching it again but enjoyable. Liked Keith Richards appearance.
Spiderman 3 - Kind of a fall from 2 but that's to be expected to some extent. Again, fun, exciting, entertaining, but nothing too memorable. The bad guys just weren't very good.
Ocean's 13 - Very good, felt a little rushed after the first 20 minutes, but very entertaining. I think I'm just happy to get to watch Clooney and Pitt compete to see who's cooler (the answer is Clooney in case anyone is wondering). What is really cool is how well Matt Damon holds his own on the screen and adding Pacino was fun. Enjoyable stuff.
1408 - Very good again. Don't expect too much. It's John Cusack in a room for about an hour with a little set up and a little wind down. But the man pulls it off. Plays with your mind a bit, good jumpy scenes, and intriguing. Good for something different over the summer.
Transformers - I have to admit, I loved this. I'm a Shia Lebouf (sp?) fan anyway, think the guy is going to be a big actor for years to come, but beyond that, this was exactly what I was looking for in a summer blockbuster and did what ole Spidey and Pirates did not, remembered to skip a few convoluted plot points in favor of just sheer entertainment. I'm not usually a fan of loose plots but hey, it's Michael Bay, I'm not expecting Hitchcock here, and the man can deliver action. The robots were awesome and you have to have a little respect for a movie that gets everyone to applaud loudly at the end (which has happened several times according to some friends of mine). Favorite line - when the autobots are arriving and crashing into the ground in their fireballs, a kid runs outside with his video camera and yells, "This is like 15 times better than Armageddon."
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Really good. This director evidently had done nothing more than British sitcoms and commercials but he held his own in the this film. They skipped a lot of stuff but I think they had too. Most of the time the plot moved briskly, funny stuff intertwined with more tragic stuff. The cast in this movie is just really great. I think I could watch Alan Rickman as Snape all the time. No one else could say "Obviously" with such sarcasm, anger, and humor at the same time. Loved the film, can't wait to see it next week.
Looking forward to: The Simpson's in a couple of weeks
That's it for now.
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